I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize