when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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