we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
