New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
