you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk is not a location!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
