im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
did i just pee glitter
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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