You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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