EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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