first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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