Say something about gay babies.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize