On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
