Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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