i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
