Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
