your room smells of hookers.
And success
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
