he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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