So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
