I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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