Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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