I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
