I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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