Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
