I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
