but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
