The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
