So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
