At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
