I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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