I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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