i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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