He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize