You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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