Apparently you make a good broom.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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