I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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