Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize