My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
