Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
