Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
