The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
