I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize