so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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