Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
