If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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