Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
