Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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