Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
