yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
