so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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