Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
