you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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