I wannas sexs uuuuu
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
