I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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