okay pat passed out under dana's car
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
