She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
