porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is the high leading the old right now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
