Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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