its not stalking. its research.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
