This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
