So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found your dick twin last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
