I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
