Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
