I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
