we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
