I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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