So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
