pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
