it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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