3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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