so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
