party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
