guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
