Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
