i just wanna soil my oats bro
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
