We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
