in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
