i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
