I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
