I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
