my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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