just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
