I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
