Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
