Porn is love you can see.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize