Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
