Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
