So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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