My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
