if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
