Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize