Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a beard to bite.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
