my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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