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How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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