I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
