five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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