she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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