hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
