This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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