Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I party with great urgency now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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