During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
