i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
